You do not need to spend a lot of money, but make sure you keep the surprises coming. I sure was. Its so worthwhile! Of course you had to run everything when he wasnt around. I wonder what would happen if you focused on the one person you have control over: Yourself. (modern). I am not getting a sense of your wants or even needs. I hadnt realized that acting like his mother and being his lover were mutually exclusive, but now I know that they are. I have never been more depressed in our marriage than I am right now. I still get excited when we go on vacation because I imagine us having sex but it doesnt happen. However, if you've already tried talking to your husband, you'll want to take specific steps to rekindle the connection. And he couldnt keep his hands off of me. I feel like Ive ruined things for good and feel so hopeless. I can see why you feel hurt, Sarah. Sometimes we have to appreciate our husbands. 13 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband (And What to Do) - LifeHack Right now your life is going by with no one paying attention to it because youre so focused on him. Intimacy thrives when youre making yourself happy. I am just not sure.am i not to engage in any discussions? Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches and discover the best step for your marriage. But as Im a Christian Ive been showing him respect and ignoring all his faults for 45 years..I try to love him..and actually I do love him his sheer vulnerability I find quite attractive.but Sex has ended for me after years of feeling like a prostitute.this is putting him in a really bad mood? Can someone please help me? 2 weeks ago he said he doesnt feel in love anymore. He did try to come back 4 weeks ago but I just looked at him at door with disgust and said nothing. We were the type to have sex at least twice a week. Ive worked out and dieted in the past, and I notice I get the butt pats then. I thought the answer was getting in shape or getting a makeover, but practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills has been more powerful than any beauty treatment in attracting him to me again! He doesnt pat my butt anymore and has said he just doesnt feel like it. Youll start to tune in to what makes you happy as you experiment and focus on it more. Sounds like you and I are a lot alike with the control, disrespect and mothering. Good for you for being respectful as best you can. I think it might be a solution for me cause i feel exactly the same. sometimes i think you would answer those things out of kindness. My husband started ignoring me physically after maybe 3 years of marriage. I started to sense that something was wrong a little over a year ago. What I really wanted was to be his lover again. If youre both happy with that, then I see no problem! My only excuse is, that i didnt realize it. Your husband did not seem to value or relate to you. I can see why youre feeling so lost and hopeless. And if the passion and affection are high, then no need to fix anything, right? 3 beautiful children. I became ill a year into our relationship and had to quit work. You can get them from my book/audiobook The Empowered Wife. Ive seen that transformation in my own marriage and for thousands of women who practice the 6 Intimacy Skills. Grace, I can relate! And the intimacy is through the roof! We generally only get together on weekends and now we wont see each other until the next weekend. Sounds very painful. I weight over 200 pounds at 52 and my boobs looked no longer full but started to sag and were uneven!! I suppose by telling her to focus on herself, you are helping her to find her own happiness and she will gravitate to the truths of the relationship and end up doing what is best for her in the end. We have an 11mth old son and my husband left 5 months ago and is currently living with his parents. Nor is it that she married the wrong guy. What do you want for you? He had an abusive upbringing, physically, mentally & emotionally, at the hands of his mother who raised three children herself. Men might not notice the changes, but the signs will be there if you're paying attention. How to Satisfy My Husband After Giving Birth? (Solved) That is my life to a T. Please update with good news. But lets make it so you want to stay together now. But in the end we always loved each other and always made up if we fought. Having been in a near plutonic marriage since our first child 4 years ago and having read your The Empowered Wife book (made complete sense as I have been doing most things wrong) I am now really trying not to act like his mum and concentrate on my own self. He wants me to make all the decisions,handle our budget and where we go to eat and trips. He told me he is not attracted to me anymore and that sex is not good any more . I think hes going through some kind of midlife crisis. He expressed that he doesnt deserve me and that he has also lost attraction but doesnt want a divorce. No fun at all. I never acted like his mother. If thats it, then I bow out and hope she does really well with it all. Thats not right. He pretty much compared me to all the thin girls in our lives including my sister. Just as we tend to hold onto negative emotions after a conflict with . Key points Masculinity Theory and Sexual Script Theory both lead to the assumption that men are not as hurt by sexual rejection as women. Definitely has made me feel that he married me for a lot of wrong reasons. He always says hes not but hes short and curt with me and very negative about things. I dont believe he is having an affair. Do you think its too late for us since he has already been moved out for too long? I think people will treat you the way you act or the way you teach them to. So although good advice and things Ive already backed off doing, he isnt responding in a normal way. Sorry to hear youre going through that. In this article, we're uncovering major reasons why husbands stop wanting their wives, and explaining simple but effective approaches to resuscitating your sex life. He says hes trying but is it forced or cause he really wants to be with me? This has really bothered me as it is very similar to my past marriage. My husband of 32 yrs told me hes no longer very physically attracted to me because I gained weight. When we are intimate, its only for him and theres no anything. This has been a huge issue for us (well, mostly me)! However, every time weve had a disagreement he ups and leaves to go and stay there (10 mins down the road) leaving me to look after the 3 children (2 from my previous marriage). About a month ago I found out that he he is seeing a younger women 23. Like snake charmers, these wooers may also be adept listeners and communicators. Although hes tried not to talk about it, till these days he still said Im so much bigger than other girls when I wear a size 2 dress and them 0. That is so painful. Id love to see you get some support. Was I being used? It makes me sad because I feel like I am missing out on a deep sexual connection. He actually told me I was acting like his mother but all he does is sit on the computer all day and not look for a job or even do any housework or anything. No matter the occasion, if he's constantly pushing you aside because of how busy he is, it's likely an excuse. Recently we had an argument and i flat out asked him, why he wasnt interested in me anymore. You could show him the article but you cant make him read it or do what it says. My resentments never got me more intimacy either, and I remember how lonely it felt to have lost physical intimacy with my husband. BUT husband still will not be intimate with me and continues to sleep in another room. Then left. Tammy, In my experience that is totally fixable. And he did not change after 8 yrs. I love it! He isnt watching porn either so its not that hes doing things behind my back. Hes more interested in my feelings and Im more interested in what he thinks. Today theres also a lot of grace in my home. I dont overly nag anymoreI dont think I ever did though but I always liked to discuss our relationship and how it could be better and I stopped that because it was pressuring him. But, theres no desire, no passion, no attraction coming from him. . But, when it became emotional for him ( hes not an emotional person) he didnt want to go back. this can be frustrating, but if you treated him like he was a baby and disrespected him for years, you need to cut him some clack and give him time to change too. My daughter complained of that same thing. And if things have cooled off because a husband is no longer attracted to his wife - what then? http://getcherished.com/. And you will contort yourself into any shape to try to please, losing yourself and your own wants and needs in pursuit of this. You sought the solution to your problem through another man. Dear UnattractiveI can see why youre feeling that way, and I still remember how painful that was! Im trying to lose weight but with all the medical issues its very hard. Could he be having an emotional affair with someone and that is why he is pulling away? I mean I get it, all husbands want their wives to look great. When a woman loses interest in her husband, it's genuinely something that occurs over some time. 3. Angie. He would ignore me for weeks and in my low state I would wonder why. Hes 37.. etc. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. You Make All The Plans. Aaron, I appreciate your vulnerable honesty and your desire to make things right with your wife. I controlled all the finances and made all household decisions. At Guy Stuff we work with couples dealing with these kinds of problems every week. That doesnt sound right to me. My husband says he loves me so much, that Im his world but hes just not attracted to me because of my body. We were going for about a month. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/. I have chosen to do these things each and every week, it has become routine but now I am exhausted! If your husband is not attracted to you anymore, then he may have lost his sexual attraction to you. I think Id also feel rejected. He doesnt want to be affectionate at all because he said it feels wrong, since he isnt feeling in love. 6 Signs They're Not Interested In The Relationship Anymore - Elite Daily Ive NEVER acted like his mother. Dear Ruby, I'm sorry that you're dealing with such a difficult issue in your marriage. I thought that if I stopped being responsible for everything he would have holey underwear, never go to the doctor, watch too much TV, and let the trash pile up endlessly. Once we married it went downhill and became nonexistent. This is what he told me, that I act like a mother to him and that makes him not feel attracted to me. Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Isn't Attracted To You. I am to fly attracted to my husband but have been told we will never be having sex again. As in, him helping to care for our house makes me happy, so why not want to do something that makes him happy (i.e. I have chronic pain and fatigue issues and have gained some weight although I was heavy when he married me. Sometimes it takes a while for the new way to feel comfortable, and he may just be looking for the old routine, which is human nature. CJ, Im sorry to hear about your husband being gone for 8 weeks. Communication breaks down and they do not attempt to resolve it. This included doing his laundry, finding his lost stuff, and cleaning up after him (dirty clothes on the floor, dirty dishes, etc.). Maybe I should show this article to him! Know that if the person you're seeing is into you, they will be anxious for you to meet the important people in their life. Another problem you may have been trying to solve with the affair was not being taken seriously by your husband on some level you may have needed him to find out to try to get through to him. I didnt think it was so bad to buy his underwear or remind him not to forget his wallet or tell him that he was watching too much TV or that it was time to get some chores done. Flirting with Flattery. His mum is always happy to have him, and quite often he will stay there for weeks, over the most trivial argument that has got out of hand; he usually returns home daily (should I let this happen?) My husband showed no interest in me, we barely talked or had sex, Id try to get his attention with meals or looking nice, and hed get angry and tell me all was fine and why did I wear my depression like a badge of honour? Just the last few days i have been practicing your principles and we had the best weekend in EONS, i even woke up to a great big bear hug- i hope it will only improve from here! When Your Partner Doesn't Meet Your Needs, What Can You Do? I am at a loss as to how our marriage can survive if we continue this way. I painted myself into the same unfun corner you describe. Marriage counseling never got me closer to what I really wanted. I really want to have a good relationship. I feel so lost, Jaime, my heart goes out to you. My husband calls and asks me to make his appointments because he is used to his mother doing it for him. This is evident during conversation; when they will quickly disengage and fire some random, unmerited excuse about having to do "something important." 2. But according to him, anything I do makes him mad? I thought it was because of my weight Since surrendering, we have a lot of deep, meaningful conversations. So I stopped doing things for him and teaching him how to do them. It took me four years to get up the strength to end the affair. I do have a tendency to correct him when hes wrong and his reaction is to become extremely defensive/sensitive. The fix could be as simple as asking for more kisses or taking more work. We have been married 30 yrs and we had our share of good and bad times-like everyone else. Everytime I ask his advice, he says whatever you want to do is fine. Laura Im halfway through reading surrendered wife. I feel really hurt and disrespected as I was left without any opportunity to make other plans. And then it hit me, hes pushed me into the category of being his mother. Im super busy too; a teacher, a new mom, and a grad student. Im hyperventilating over here. Sara, Im sorry to hear about your breakup. The last time we fell out over the mess made my one of the children making a tuna sandwich and he has now been there 6 weeks. So it sounds like something else is going missing for sure. Thank you. I said sure but to let me know asap if he wanted me to arrange for babysitting. Now that I dont mother my husband anymore, hes back to stealing a kiss whenever he can. http://GetCherished.com. But now its non-existent? The dr told him before he left the last time his tests showed low testosterone yet he goes and manages it sometimes with this other woman. How Sexual Rejection Can Affect a Relationship | Psychology Today There is hope for you to feel desired, cherished and respected again too. Heres a free chapter: http://getcherished.com. Ive become critical and angry. Hes very responsive emotionally, talking more, etc., but has now told me a month and half later that he is lost and even though he knows things are getting better he doesnt trust that it will stay this way. HE actually talked proudly of me to his friends for it. This is solvable but its a longer conversation. You can do that here: Often good at short-term intimacy, some. Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call so you can discover the best move you can make for your relationship. At this point Im done. About 5-6 yrs ago he lost all interest in sex. Right on!! You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/, Hi Laura my husband said after marriage he is more attracted to men then women and has kept declining to be intimate with me. Mind you the night before we got into a argument and it wasnt terrible but it wasnt reassuring either. This anger gets turned inwards. Well, then I get a resentment and stop. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: 24 Ways To Win Love Sure enough, thats when my husband stepped up and took care of business like the grown man he is. They were normal. I knew my affair was wrong, but seemed powerless to stop it. Ten years ago, I suffered depression. He stops asking about your life. I do it so I feel good about myself. I just started accepting my changing body. Or is it too late? So i did the logical thing:i started dieting and excersised an lost 40 pounds. He doesnt seem to care. He finally said he had made loose plans with a friend and that if they fell through or, maybe after, we could get together. Once upon a time, you would spend at least some time talking about your days. Here i thought all those years he was apprecciating me working so hard for us. Hi Laura, my husband has been gone for nearly 8 weeks and I think he might be going through a mid-life crisis. When he stopped drinking, his sex drive went out the door. Also Im new at this and dont exactly know what to do, Hi Laura, your article is superb but in eastern society men are not suppose to do even their own work I am 24 and my husband is 35 I m MS in chemistry doing a job taking care of a toddler and also taking care of his everything but despite doing everything I sometimes feel that he doesnt love me like he used to do we are having great sex time but after he is like somebody else I m really depressed. But physical issues dont cause a man to not be attracted to a woman. I feel you are in some sort of subconscious prison and I want you to escape. Thank you for sharing your situation. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/. his response was as always if thats what you want, babe well its not what i wanted but what i thought i needed to do, to get him to look at me like his woman again You too can attract your husband back. He just said that sleep apnea was the reason. We have a 10 year old daughter and the only time we talk is when we argue about her. Is there any hope for our marriage? Heres how. However, it's also a convenient excuse for your husband to avoid spending any time with you. What To Take Away What Readers Have To Say (200+) In a perfect world, one of the pleasures of marriage is an enjoyable and active sex life. 15 signs your husband doesn't want to spend time with you (& what to do) He says hes perfectly content to have a marriage with no sex. 1. Physical or mental health issues. Surrendering brought out my best self and brought the passion back, especially as he saw that the new me was here to stay! Id love to get you the tools to turn this around. 10 Signs to Show Your Husband Is Not Happy - Marriage.com At the time, he admits, he wasnt strong enough to pick me up and encourage me. Is It Normal to Lose Feelings in a Relationship? - Verywell Mind He told me i changed so much, i dont need him, i make all the decisions,when he comes home he feels like he is visiting.it hurt me so badly to hear him say all that,when i always,always ask him his opinion and how should we handle things but he rarely has an opinion. 17 signs your husband doesn't love you anymore (and 3 things you can do) Love this! There were some other, broader issues we discussed, but he stated again (this is now the 3rd time) that, while he loves me for many reasons and is attracted to me in a lot of ways, he is less physically attracted to me now after having our son (he is 18 mos old). Fast forward to 6 weeks after the baby was born and I got an IUD. We have a wonderful relationship otherwise- I read your books pretty early on and successfully implemented the tips. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/. Very impatient. He asks for my opinions but when he doesnt like my response it turns into an issue. I lay out all the steps in the book, The Empowered Wife, which you can read a free chapter of here: Id love to see you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills, which I lay out step-by-step in my book/audiobook, The Empowered Wife. Youre teaching him how to treat you and showing that you trust his capabilities, which leads to good things in my experience. My husband said it feels like kissing a sister most time i try to kiss him. Ph: 949-729-9843, Why Its Not What You Think and How to Solve the Real Problem, Marriage Advice, Relationship Advice, Tips, and Help Articles. And its painful to think you dont look good enough to get a pat on the butt or bedroom eyes anymore. Well, thats his problem. Where in the past, it was normal to give each other blow-by-blow accounts of the day's activities, or to exchange calls every . I try not to be his mother, but I have to be the full-time breadwinner because he is not able to work anymore. You rarely talk Communication is key in any relationship, especially a marriage. If youre interested in inspiring others more with your beautiful story, check out https://lauradoyle.org/become-a-coach/. So I decided I wouldnt do anything for him that he could do for himself. But I chose to experiment anyway because I was so exhausted and lonely. He is a grown man, totally capable at work, so I had to believe there was a possibility that he could manage the things Id taken overeven though it didnt seem like it to me at the time. Is there anything you can recommend to get the process moving a bit quickerI feel like because I dont see him that often, I dont get many opportunities and it could take years to get anywhere, Emma, Sorry to hear about your husband leaving and saying those hurtful words to you. And if he is still attractive to be. I stopped being defeated and started fighting for my marriage, my mental attitude, my physiological health and the answers are coming and Im seeing resolution in every aspect and light at the end of the tunnel.